This is the kind of thing that's going to keep people away from my blog

This is what my fantasy baseball team looks like now. I've made the trades. I've picked up the random pitchers. Here's my team, and remember that strikeouts are worth two points in my league. I'm a massive tool. I might as well start saying "bro" in a non-ironic fashion.

C Russell Martin (LAD - C,3B)

Well, I didn't draft him, but I knew I was going to end up with Martin, probably my favorite Dodger. I had to trade McCann (whose having a slightly better season, statistically), but it was worth it. Strangely, though he looks Mexican with his batting helmet on, he appears to have red hair, and I think he's from Canada. Huh.
1B Casey Kotchman (LAA - 1B)
I have no real opinion of Kotchman. He'll do until Ortiz comes back.
2B B.J. Upton (TB - 2B,OF)
He's been kind of a disappointment. I didn't draft him either (nor Kotchman), but instead acquired him in a trade. At least he gets steals. The rest of my team is either old or slow or a catcher. (Martin did get a steal tonight, on a double steal with my OTHER favorite Dodger, Juan Pierre)
3B Mike Lowell (Bos - 3B)
Free Agent pick-up. Was red-hot when I got him. Cooled a bit. Oh well, I traded David Wright - as I will mention again later - but it has been worth it so far.
SS Michael Young (Tex - SS)
This guy was a big surprise to me because I barely saw him play last year. Thanks to the strike zone channel, I've learned that he's probably one of the best pure hitting shortstops in the game. His bat's got some pop, and in the heart of that Rangers' batting order, he gets a lot of RBI chances, and in turn does a lot with those chances.
OF Magglio Ordonez (Det - OF)

What can I say about Maggs? He's the only Tiger who hasn't disappointed this season. I mean, he's down from last year, but that's partially due to his decreased RBI chances. When and if Detroit comes around, and you could argue they already have, the man with the most enjoyable name to say will get more opportunities to drive in runners and he'll cash in.
OF Carlos Quentin (CWS - OF)
A total surprise. Picked him up when he had 5 hrs. Now he's got 17. Awesome.
OF Milton Bradley (Tex - OF)

Funny guy, that Milton. He always gets traded or released. But he also leads the AL in batting average.
Util J.D. Drew (Bos - OF)
Yet ANOTHER surprise. This guy's been a badass ever since Ortiz went down. Damn I hate the Red Sox, but you can't play fantasy sports like that.
SP Andrew Miller (Fla - SP)
Young tall dude who throws some good trash. He give up too many runs, but that's cause he's young. He also strikes out a lot of dudes, and did I mention strikeouts are worth TWO points in my league?
SP Tim Hudson (Atl - SP)
Oldish, pretty good, yet unpredictable. He'll usually give you a good outing, unless he doesn't. Especially when the Braves are on the road.
SP Tim Lincecum (SF - SP)

This guy owns everyone. He's going to be the best pitcher in the league someday (some would argue he already is, given his ridiculous record of 8-1 as a starter for the Giants this year), and as a Dodgers fan, that pisses me off because I'm going to watch a lot of freakin' Dodgers go down swinging against Timmy. But he's amazing. Watching him pitch is a thing of beauty. He's also the reason I don't have David Wright anymore.
RP Takashi Saito (LAD - RP)
Ah, my other favorite Dodger. He's been uncharacteristic with the blown saves lately. I think in the second half he'll get more chances and do more with those chances. He struck out the side in a non-save situation today. He's also the guy giving Martin a goofy high-five in the picture above.
RP Shaun Marcum (Tor - SP,RP) DL
When he's not on the DL, he's striking people out. He's not a household name, but he gets the job done and if he played for the Yankees or the Sox, everyone would know who he is. He has a lower ERA than his more famous counterpart, Roy Halladay.
P Greg Maddux (SD - SP)
Y'll know who he is.
P Jason Marquis (ChC - SP)
I don't care about this douche. I'm going to drop him soon.
P Gil Meche (KC - SP)
Again, strikes out a lot of people. Had a rough April, but he's straightened out so I picked him up. He got me 15 today. Not worried about him.
DL David Ortiz (Bos - 1B) DL
This guy, unsanitary or not, had better get his ass off the DL soon. I need more HRs.
BN Derek Lowe (LAD - SP)

Ah, my other favorite Dodger. Best mullet in the league. Also best breaking ball. He's been dynamite lately.
BN Kevin Slowey (Min - SP)
Pretty good, yet unproven young guy. Minnesota's doing pretty well, so unless he really blows it, I plan on keeping him around.
BN Ted Lilly (ChC - SP)
Did I tell you this league gives two points for each strike out?
BN Greg Smith (Oak - SP)
Started off very strong, now he's starting to lose it. We'll see.
BN John Lackey (LAA - SP)
Now here's the best pitcher in the league. He has the second-lowest ERA behind Volquez, I believe, yet that's not because he spent much of the season on the DL. He's already started at least 7 games and has won 5 and lost only one. His whip is .93!!! That's unbelievable. I hope I'm not jinxing my whole team with this post.
BN Erik Bedard (Sea - SP)
He better freakin' step it the frak up.

Don Imus

So, if you haven't heard, he's made some racist remarks again. w00t.
Last year he called Rutgers Women's basketball team "Nappy Headed Hoes." They were runner-up to Tennessee in the NCAA Women's basketball tournament. IIRC.


This shirt properly expresses my outrage

This time, he asks the following two questions and makes a final statement: "Pacman Jones was arrested six times?" "What color is he?" and "That explains it." It's funny because the guy interviewing Imus quickly tries to change the subject to the fact that the African-American corner back of the Tennessee Titans has asked to be called by his real name "Adam Jones" from now on. Watch. It's fairly shocking.



I dunno. I'm kind of at the point where I feel like free speech is also the right to be a moronic racist. I'm not even sure if this is a bad thing. If he goes out there, makes a ridiculous comment, and he's universally chastised (at least publicly, but that's a different story) isn't that testament to some sort of progress? I mean, I know in a perfect world no one would ever say anything racist, but this is almost like something my old-ass grampa - bless his heart - would say and he too can't stop being racist because he's just too damn old and stupid - like he actually thinks that black people are inherently thievish because he says that all black people in elected office get caught stealing money. And I always just shake my head at him, and say something, but quickly give up because I realize there's no point.


Old people are so easily distracted

If as a country, we're shaking our collective ethical finger at Imus, then isn't that proof of how much we've grown as a country in terms of awareness and rejection of racism? I guess my point is, Imus could've gotten away with this crap thirty years ago.


O.K., maybe fifty years ago

I mean, it would be cool if there was no racism some day, but that's patently ridiculous and we all know judgements will always be made based on how we look. It's not even about race all the time. You know how some people just look sketchy? Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, point is, we'll always think they are until they prove otherwise.


You always think you've won until the blue shell rears its Persian blue head

I'm suddenly worried that this post is, in and of itself, racist. Then again, I think just by mentioning race at all, it was inevitable that I would wonder if it was racist. Hard thing to talk about without sounding like a freaked-out moron, especially if you're a Mexican. ;)

Save poor Sammy Snake!

Because Sarah is Sarah, she went to and greatly enjoyed the Death Cab concert at the Greek in Berkeley last night. She posted the videos on youtube, and she took a lot of videos! But here's the best part - you can hear her singing along to every song! Can you believe she's giving away her singing for free!? She's the Radiohead of elementary school teachers.


Speaking of Death Cab, I must offer a retraction of my earlier statements about their newest album, Narrow Stairs. It's actually quite good, now that I've given it more time to settle. I'm still not in love with Ben's lyrics, but some of the instrumentation it really great, especially on songs like "Pity and Fear" and "I Will Possess Your Heart". Some of the songs, like "Long Division" are good old Death Cab fun. Like I said, if you can get past some of the lyrics, it's a very worthy album. I actually enjoy it quite a bit more than Plans.



So, sorry Mr. Gibbard. I know he reads my blog.

I'd like to write something more in depth about this at a later date, but GTAIV is really starting to hook me. I'm not a big fan of the missions. They're kind of repetitive. But, I am a big fan of the "kill-innocent-people-and-yourself" minigame that is always there to play. Add a few cheat codes and you're off. You're dropping boats out of the sky onto people's heads and splattering them. Since I've started playing GTAIV, Liberty City has seen a sharp increase on the number of people who's offical cause of death was "crushed by random boat that fell from sky." I think this desire to crush people with boats is somehow related to being "the boatbuilder's son." Somebody psychoanalyze that, please. I need to know what it means.



Everything in this game is very...um...philosophically challenging. I mean, it's clear I enjoy beating bums to death in dank alleyways with a bat...in this game...but why? Also, when I used the cheat to spawn the helicopter, why was my first impulse to fly to the airport and crash into a plane that was taking off (This is one of the few things you can't do in GTAIV, and I wonder if there's some sort of social commentary there. I mean, you can hire a hooker, have sex with her, then kill her, but you can't crash into an airplane? You can blow up entire blocks with rocket launcher, or kill cops for hours, but you can't crash into the airplanes?) Then there's the multiplayer. Especially fun when played with Matt Lydon, Cy McNally, and a very drunk Cody Herzog. I got an achievement last night that said "Killed a Rockstar." I have no idea what this means.



It looks like we could close on our house as soon as Friday. I guess I never thought about owning a home much before, but now that we're doing it, it makes sense. My Dad was about thirty when he and my mom bought their first house together (though he had bought and sold several others before they met), and I am thirty so I guess it makes sense. I tend to be philosophically inert when it comes to traditional milestones.


I'm ready to start reading books like this.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I want to wish Sarah a happy first anniversary. I intend to up-end social custom and decorum by saying it here first, on the internet, on my blog that no one reads. That's very romantic, I think.

Insane Fantasy Sports Nutjobs

I've said on this blog before, and I'll say it again - DO NOT PLAY FANTASY SPORTS!

Actually, that's unfair, but there are a couple of guys in my league that just don't understand anything. Let me put it this way, they get mad because I quote them on our message boards. They don't like quotation marks! It bugs them for some reason, perhaps because they have to read their asinine comments a second time. The worst thing is that they are these sanctimonious motherfuckers, who constantly bitch about any practice that helps other players that they haven't thought of yet. If that happens, they just dismiss the process as "cheap" and want an immediate rule change to stop it. Worse than crying babies, I tells ya. And that's really really bad.

In other news, being on break is undeniably amazing. I hate responsibilities. HATE!
I have none currently. That's just great. I got my driver's license renewed today, and that seemed like a huge hassle.

So, gay people got married in California today. Does anyone care about this? I can't imagine still being so bigoted and backwards in my thinking that I'd want to stop two other random people from getting married. I guess that's what I don't understand about the protests against gay marriage - it doesn't effect anyone except the people getting married. I love how people say that it's a danger to the family. That makes NO FUCKING SENSE!!!

Next up, the world of gaming. I'm still working on Oblivion, but now I've managed to get kicked out of the Fighter's guild for stealing. I don't remember stealing! Anyway, as usual, the way back in is not easy. Same thing with getting back into the Mage's guild. I've already put 3+ days (total hours) into this game, but I'm tempted to start over with a new character. I know it sounds crazy, but I think I actually know what kind of character I would create now. I'm just not sure I want to do ALL of those missions over again.

I beat the special download portion of Mass Effect, which was pretty satisfying. It's such a strange game because it's simultaneous good and bad in such dramatic ways. Running around planets can get boring, but the battle system is clean, once you get used to it. Actually, it's probably the ONLY game I've ever played where I find myself fighting through enemies just to talk to someone - that's how good the dialogue in the game is. I could just play Mass Effect with the dialogue trees and no fighting.

Oh yes, I must not forget that I played a bunch of Wii sports today. It was fun, but it felt more like a necessity since I haven't moved very much since the end of school. I worked up a nice sweat. I'm very out of shape, and I'm very annoyed with my injuries to my right foot and back.
Every time I exercise, both get worse. So, I don't exercise...which makes my back worse. It's a stupid stupid cycle.

Lack of Blogging

The Lakers' collapse in game four has left me unable to write anything.

Also, I've played 74 hours of Oblivion so far this summer. So everything is going according to plan. Now I'm going to play COD 4.

My happiness at this precise moment depends on Aramis Ramirez grounding into a double play against Greg Maddux

Why would anyone play fantasy sports?

Ahm...moving on, I have a real blog post today. Not like one of those non-existent ones I write imaginarily on most days.




Ah, Theriot stole second. Forget about the double play. Let's just hope Maddux gets out of the inning without causing any more damage.



This post was really supposed to be about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. And no, it didn't suck. Stop with that already. If you thought it sucked, stop reading now and return arranging your freakin' goth albums"necrologically," as you've come to call it.



Naturally, I encountered a lot of assholes as soon as I made the mistake of starting to talk to others on the Internet about Indiana Jones. What came was the following sequence of words and punctuation.


"WORST. INDY. EVER. Heh, silly fanboy, he can still enjoy the tripe being called cinema today."

How far should we stretch our suspension of disbelief when we go to the movies? How far over-the-top is too far over-the-top thus becoming under-the-bottom and really terrible? Having just seen KOTCS, these questions, surprisingly, were not on my mind as I left the theater. I never thought about it. I just kept thinking "Wow, what a great movie! I'm so glad they made another one that captured the particular 'Indiana Jones' essence!" Strangly, I ended up saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore!" Then I yelled as some kids to get off my lawn.







Anyway, it was not until I logged onto the internets and read the incensed ravings of some online amateur critic that I started thinking about KOTCS.



But the real question here was "Why was I thinking that I wasn't thinking enough while watching the new Indy movie?" This is a different world that the one in which Last Crusade was released. The amount of people I "knew" (online anyhow) who were prepared to hate the film was staggering, in large part due to the increased cynicism towards film, particularly towards anything that involves George Lucas, and because Al Gore invented the Internet. Anyone and everyone has become a critic - constantly thinking about films, even ones that clearly aren't meant to be taken seriously - and the Internet has giving them an alarming loud and annoying voice.



In a way this was true in the past as well, now these misunderstood souls have a place to gather and wallow in their own critical genius, egg each other on like a group of Dominicans at a cock fight, and remind everyone that liking any movie that is any fun or entertaining at all is, indeed, gay as hell.





I guess there is no real review in there. The movie is fun, and clever in most parts. Don't go expecting Shawshank Redemption, unless you're one of those assholes who doesn't like The Shawshank Redemption.