This is the kind of thing that's going to keep people away from my blog

This is what my fantasy baseball team looks like now. I've made the trades. I've picked up the random pitchers. Here's my team, and remember that strikeouts are worth two points in my league. I'm a massive tool. I might as well start saying "bro" in a non-ironic fashion.

C Russell Martin (LAD - C,3B)

Well, I didn't draft him, but I knew I was going to end up with Martin, probably my favorite Dodger. I had to trade McCann (whose having a slightly better season, statistically), but it was worth it. Strangely, though he looks Mexican with his batting helmet on, he appears to have red hair, and I think he's from Canada. Huh.
1B Casey Kotchman (LAA - 1B)
I have no real opinion of Kotchman. He'll do until Ortiz comes back.
2B B.J. Upton (TB - 2B,OF)
He's been kind of a disappointment. I didn't draft him either (nor Kotchman), but instead acquired him in a trade. At least he gets steals. The rest of my team is either old or slow or a catcher. (Martin did get a steal tonight, on a double steal with my OTHER favorite Dodger, Juan Pierre)
3B Mike Lowell (Bos - 3B)
Free Agent pick-up. Was red-hot when I got him. Cooled a bit. Oh well, I traded David Wright - as I will mention again later - but it has been worth it so far.
SS Michael Young (Tex - SS)
This guy was a big surprise to me because I barely saw him play last year. Thanks to the strike zone channel, I've learned that he's probably one of the best pure hitting shortstops in the game. His bat's got some pop, and in the heart of that Rangers' batting order, he gets a lot of RBI chances, and in turn does a lot with those chances.
OF Magglio Ordonez (Det - OF)

What can I say about Maggs? He's the only Tiger who hasn't disappointed this season. I mean, he's down from last year, but that's partially due to his decreased RBI chances. When and if Detroit comes around, and you could argue they already have, the man with the most enjoyable name to say will get more opportunities to drive in runners and he'll cash in.
OF Carlos Quentin (CWS - OF)
A total surprise. Picked him up when he had 5 hrs. Now he's got 17. Awesome.
OF Milton Bradley (Tex - OF)

Funny guy, that Milton. He always gets traded or released. But he also leads the AL in batting average.
Util J.D. Drew (Bos - OF)
Yet ANOTHER surprise. This guy's been a badass ever since Ortiz went down. Damn I hate the Red Sox, but you can't play fantasy sports like that.
SP Andrew Miller (Fla - SP)
Young tall dude who throws some good trash. He give up too many runs, but that's cause he's young. He also strikes out a lot of dudes, and did I mention strikeouts are worth TWO points in my league?
SP Tim Hudson (Atl - SP)
Oldish, pretty good, yet unpredictable. He'll usually give you a good outing, unless he doesn't. Especially when the Braves are on the road.
SP Tim Lincecum (SF - SP)

This guy owns everyone. He's going to be the best pitcher in the league someday (some would argue he already is, given his ridiculous record of 8-1 as a starter for the Giants this year), and as a Dodgers fan, that pisses me off because I'm going to watch a lot of freakin' Dodgers go down swinging against Timmy. But he's amazing. Watching him pitch is a thing of beauty. He's also the reason I don't have David Wright anymore.
RP Takashi Saito (LAD - RP)
Ah, my other favorite Dodger. He's been uncharacteristic with the blown saves lately. I think in the second half he'll get more chances and do more with those chances. He struck out the side in a non-save situation today. He's also the guy giving Martin a goofy high-five in the picture above.
RP Shaun Marcum (Tor - SP,RP) DL
When he's not on the DL, he's striking people out. He's not a household name, but he gets the job done and if he played for the Yankees or the Sox, everyone would know who he is. He has a lower ERA than his more famous counterpart, Roy Halladay.
P Greg Maddux (SD - SP)
Y'll know who he is.
P Jason Marquis (ChC - SP)
I don't care about this douche. I'm going to drop him soon.
P Gil Meche (KC - SP)
Again, strikes out a lot of people. Had a rough April, but he's straightened out so I picked him up. He got me 15 today. Not worried about him.
DL David Ortiz (Bos - 1B) DL
This guy, unsanitary or not, had better get his ass off the DL soon. I need more HRs.
BN Derek Lowe (LAD - SP)

Ah, my other favorite Dodger. Best mullet in the league. Also best breaking ball. He's been dynamite lately.
BN Kevin Slowey (Min - SP)
Pretty good, yet unproven young guy. Minnesota's doing pretty well, so unless he really blows it, I plan on keeping him around.
BN Ted Lilly (ChC - SP)
Did I tell you this league gives two points for each strike out?
BN Greg Smith (Oak - SP)
Started off very strong, now he's starting to lose it. We'll see.
BN John Lackey (LAA - SP)
Now here's the best pitcher in the league. He has the second-lowest ERA behind Volquez, I believe, yet that's not because he spent much of the season on the DL. He's already started at least 7 games and has won 5 and lost only one. His whip is .93!!! That's unbelievable. I hope I'm not jinxing my whole team with this post.
BN Erik Bedard (Sea - SP)
He better freakin' step it the frak up.