Gay, but necessary (like "Hey Jude")

25 Things About Me

1. When I went to college, I thought that drinking a single beer was scandelous. I had a lot of Mormon friends.
2. It's very difficult for me to relate to the same music that my freshmen students listen to. I used to like hip-hop, but now I'm one of those who gets on his high horse and swats at rap music like a polo-playing aristocrat beating the crap out of his servants with a corquette mallet.
3. I wish I went to UCSC right now. Like, right now. Like, drop my current life and go to college for about a month. Then I'll return to the real world. I swear.
4. I don't care who does or does not care about black people. But I'm glad our President can hit a 20 foot jumper and complete a coherent sentence.
5. I wish, sometimes, that I was a butterfly. I think people would understand me better if I were a simple creature, pure and free with colorful wings. Then when people saw me, they'd wonder about the infinite mystery of nature, and might even see the face of God. No, actually, no that was really really gay.
6. I'm so glad I'm not going to have to squeeze a lemon out of my penis.
7. Why is everyone else so certain that I will suddenly love kids once I look into the eyes of my newborn daughter. This is a very interesting test in annecdotal evidence and inductive logic. Also, the fear makes me want to poop my pants.
8. My job is interesting and fulfilling most of the time, but it doesn't really matter. Work is work and I'll never enjoy it. I worked my butt off last week to get 100+ papers graded, but that just means it's time to assign another one! One must imagine sisyphus happy. (AP KIDS I HOPE YOU GET THAT!!!)
9. I assume that I would enjoy playing and writing about video games all day. But, I do get the feeling that I would maybe come to despise gaming just because it would be what I'd HAVE to do.
10. I sleep on the couch. No, there's no trouble at home, just a woman that has become so large with child that it's more difficult for her to get comfortable than Ted Nuggent at a vegan restaurant.
11. I steal jokes from myself. If a particularly (in my opinion) obscure/intellectual joke kills in one class, I go on to judge the collective humouristic value for each of the following classes by their reactions to this aforementioned joke. (Unless something unforseen happens, like I flub the delivery or ruin the timing of the joke because I know it's coming)
12. I've been accused of not trying. These accusations are mostly true.
13. I live with my best friend the first year I was in college. We were never best friends again and it almost made it impossible for us to be friends for a long time, even after we moved out and settle our dispute about whether or not he could judge the merits of a film without having seen in (To be fair, the movie in questions was "Phenomenon" and I was only defending it because that's what I do and my girlfriend at the time liked it.)
14. I wonder how my daughter-to-be Paige will feel about my current doggie, Sawyer. She'll grow up (hopefully) in a world that always had a dog named Sawyer. When he dies, what happens? I think it'll be harder on me though. I love that little guy.
15. I hate you.
16. Radiohead is a lot like the Pink Floyd of their generation, while Coldplay is slightly more analogous to the Beatles. This analogy breaks down, however, when you realize that Coldplay is the only band out of those four that sucks.
17. I wish I was more into candy. I would only be fatter though, so I guess it's a good thing. I like soda. I like Mtn. Dew better.
18. My parents came to watch the Superbowl last weeking. My mom was "voting" for the Cardinals, but her disappointment disappeared when she saw a shiny commercial for a new shiny thing.
19. My dad is an amazing person. I want to be 1/10th of the man he is. But I'm too lazy, so I'm shooting for 1/24th.
20. I love my friends. They are wonderful and when I don't know what the hell I'm doing in Hollister, I can always call them and remember why I tolerate other human beings.
21. I saw Tron in the theaters when it was first released. Suck on that.
22. The first tape I bought was C&C Music Factory. But I also bought an R.E.M. tape at the same time, so I wasn't completely lost. (Also try to remember a time when R.E.M. was a good band.)
23. The Karate Kid is the most underrated film of all time. Every time it comes on TV, I can't help but watch it from beginning to end. Also, I'd like to hug Elizabeth Shue after kicking Johnny in the face.
24. I hope I lay an egg someday, and that a Raptor emerges.
25. Cialis!
"All morons hate it when you call them a moron."J. D. Salinger